Weekly I get several messages on Instagram from women who are frustrated with their own curls. All they see is the frizz and wonky curls. They think their own hair is stringy and lifeless and they hate looking in the mirror. When I delve a little deeper with them they are nearly always comparing their curls with those that they see on Instagram and this is the quickest way to dishearten yourself.
“Two humans are completely different from each other,
comparing them is like insulting nature”
-Nitin Namdeo
So here is why you should never compare your curls to anyone else, least of all the ones you see pop up on your Instagram feed.
Highlight Reel –
Someone’s Instagram feed is their highlight reel. Think of it like their portfolio where they only post their best work. An artist looking to get their work into a gallery, wouldn’t take their portfolio to the manager of the gallery with their mediocre work in it. They would select the best of the best and showcase that and it’s exactly the same for posting on Instagram. When you see someone’s feed and their curls look amazing, I guarantee if you go to their stories, that’s where they show up in real life, with the messy hair, no makeup and them being perfectly imperfect.
Outtakes –
I can guarantee you that to get that one photo that gets posted to their feed, the curly took 20 photos that didn’t make the cut! Maybe a curl wasn’t siting right. Maybe they blinked as the photo was taken. Maybe they didn’t like their smile, but no one gets the shot on the first time!
What chapter are you on?
You might be at the start of your journey, on chapter one or two and the curly you’re comparing yourself to might on chapter 67. That’s a lot of chapters in-between and you may as well be comparing apples to oranges! That curly without a doubt had a raw and messy chapter one through twenty! Take my journey for example, if you scroll back to the beginning of my page, which I started when I was a year into my journey, my curls looked nothing like they do now!
It’s all in the lighting –
Most people on Instagram understand lighting! That’s why you’ll find them taking photos either in front of a ring light or a large window. Lighting does amazing things to help highlight curls. Without a doubt if that same curly had their back to the window you would see a lot more frizz! Seriously, go do it now! Open your camera on your phone and stand in front of a window, now turn around so your back is to the window. How different do your curls look?
Real life –
I’ve always said that if you did nothing after washday, you didn’t leave the house, you didn’t sleep, you didn’t lay your head on the back on the sofa, never took your dog out to the park or played with your kids, then you could have perfect curls. But where is the fun in that! As Sandi from Instagram says, “You do your hair and then go live life.” I can pretty much guarantee that if that same curly that you’re comparing yourself to, went out to the park with their children in the wind, came home and immediately took a photo and sent it to you, their hair wouldn’t look perfect!
Perfection is over rated!
And the most important point of all of them. Firstly, perfection is over rated but also perfection is unobtainable, especially when it comes to curls! They’re meant to be a little bit wild and free. You literally have a flower garden growing out your scalp, each individual curl is completely unique, like a finger print. The beauty comes in embracing that, accepting that there will always be some frizz and a curl that doesn’t want to go in the same direction as the others. I know when I see photos I much prefer the ones where the curls are not perfectly defined, each curl isn’t finger coiled to all go in the same direction. I like real and messy and raw.
Isn’t real life much better?